This About Sums It Up

Obviously

This was never supposed to be me.

I mean, obviously this is all some kind of nightmare right?

All of this has to be some kind of mistake right?

I didn't ask for this, I didn't sign up for this, all of this can't be real.

I've always had my crap together, I've always done the right thing, so why this is happening to me?

Life is supposed to go, fall in love, get married, have babies.

Right?

It doesn't go, fall in love, get married, try, try, try to have babies does it?

Obviously this is some kind of mistake, please wake me up when my life is back on track.

Thanks.

Guess I'll Try To Not Let It Ruin My Day

I have always enjoyed interacting with children, they are also so blunt and aren't afraid to tell it like it is. You can't avoid children and babies, something that became very evident to me, they are everywhere you go, and mostly they have always been there and you are just noticing them now. Before I would just think how cute they were and how we would have some some day. Now it is a little bit different.

Now, if I don't stop myself, I start to lose it, I start to wonder if we will ever have that, if we

will ever be parents, if I will ever be pregnant, and its really hard to not let it get to me. It is hard

to see a perfect family and wonder if that is even possible for us.

But I still have hope, we are still at the beginning of this journey and so much that we haven't tried, so I keep trying to be positive, right now it is the only thing that I can control

Diving In

So Thursday was our first visit with an infertility doctor.

I made this appointment about a month/two months ago and have really been looking forward to it, All I could think about was finally getting some answers, I feel like not knowing what is going on has been a big dark cloud hovering over me. Just the not knowing, the question of can we conceive has been weighing on my mind.

The day before the appointment I suddenly realized, out of nowhere, that we would probably not figure out what was going on the first visit. BOOM. It hit me just like that. Here I was thinking that we could walk in, and the Dr would just know what is going on, well duh, no he wouldn't.

I did feel somewhat better though after, finally we were getting (hopefully) somewhere, although i didn't have the answer then we were on our way to them, and hopefully they are good ones.

So right now, I'm doing what I did before, the tests that the Dr ordered have to be done at certain time in my cycle....so here I am, still waiting.